What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
