Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
