Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize