I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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