I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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