Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize