I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
we're so committed to being not committed
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
