I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
