Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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