just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
