accomplished twins. life is a go
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
