im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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