why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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