I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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