i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
