what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
