you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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