So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
