Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
