My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
