currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
