someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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