my mouth tastes like poor choices
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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