: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
