Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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