And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
