What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
