bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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