Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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