Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
