She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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