it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
