Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
