do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
