i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
