He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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