I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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