i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
