i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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