dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
