Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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