when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
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