I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
