Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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