you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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