I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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