I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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