If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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