new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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