Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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