I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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