i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
