i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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