My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
