God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
