Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
