Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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