Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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