Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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