Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
