I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
