Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize