I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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