I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
