I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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