so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
