you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
