So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize