Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
