We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
