I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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