I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
