I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
