A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize