she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
