i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
