I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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