i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
