Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
