Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
