Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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