Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize