Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
