My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
