yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
