It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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