Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
