There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize