he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
