how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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