Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize