This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
