Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
