Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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