I like to think it a success when the cops are called
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
