Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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