I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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