He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
