I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
