There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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