who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
