I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
