Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
