oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
