I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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