last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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