I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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