I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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