come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
