Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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