dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
